RANDOM THOUGHTS ON A NIGHT OUT

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He is standing next to a pole, people scamper past him bearing him no thought, the tempo of the music beating like a war drums soldiers waiting for a battle. Red bull in his hand sipping it slowly thinking ” I don’t need to spend another 400 for an overpriced drink that isn’t even giving me a buzz”. Then he feels a gentle touch on his arm. It’s a girl trying to break her fall. He turns to her their eyes meet, he looks forward she’s drunk i don’t need this kind of drama tonight. Looking into the crowd of people dancing having a merry time judging from their faces. A girl in the crowd catches his eye she’s OK, definitely not going to win any beauty pageant but he’s not complaining. Her hair is in a bun, the light is landing on her face like a glimmering emerald diamond in the night sky.

He raises his hands up moving closer to the dance floor bobbing his head to the tune of the beat. Closing his eyes just for a moment, as he follows the rhythm of the beat, Petit biscuit is on, ” how do you make such grace full music without having a damaged soul”.

She’s looking at you, you can feel it from the corner of your eye, go say hi Shoot your shot. She Might be the one, it doesn’t matter that the last dozen women didn’t work out but she looks different you can see it in her eyes. The eyes are gateways to our souls you know, just do it not for yourself but for your kids. You turn your body toward her still dancing the music is consuming you, you can feel it deep  within you. ” Hi i really like your outfit are you wearing gucci” you try saying this moving ever closer to her ear the music is so loud you can barely think let alone get your game on. ” WHAT!!! ” Fuck abort mission, you think to yourself. But where would you be if the freedom fighter just gave up on all of us. ” i really like your outfit it looks really cute” you give it another go really smooth james bond now let’s just hope she rolls with it. ” Thanks it’s something i just threw on ” the glee on your face cannot be masked she actually responded ok lets get it on.

Will i have to buy her a drink you wonder as she looks at you waiting for the chitchat to proceed. But i don’t have any money aaaah  fuck me why do i have to be so smooth with the ladies. ” Are you a designer ” you throw it her way clueless of where you plan on going with that line but heck you have nothing to lose except the supposed affection of this emerald queen whose seed you want to fuse with your own, it not for any selfish reason or any thing, you did biology so you figure with hybrid vigour on your side her eyes and you brain. My goodness we have a nobel laureate in the making. she looks at you abit puzzle and asks ” WHY ?” with a funny winse on her face you can tell she’s about to bail on you if you say some weak ass shit, you take a sip of your red bull and master all the bull shit of your ancestors and fore fathers, with the kings of game  all looking at you from the great beyond. ” Don’t let us down young blood” you can almost hear them whisper in your ear. ” Oh because i’m a model and i think i’d be your perfect fit” you lick your lips and look away, its part of the package sell a dream you pretend to not notice her reaction and gesture at the waiter as if you want something unfortunately he sees you and comes over ” Hi mambo kwani hii red bull maneaka nini nime changamka sana” he’s a bit puzzled by what you say but he’s a good sport so he smiles gestures a thumbs up and walks away, that was a close one now back to your muse.

Shit she’s gone i bet she couldn’t handle this sauce too bad for her. You take the sit your ego takes a dent you start feeling hopeless and lonely in a room full of people. The DJ is playing all your songs, you get back up and lip sync your heart out meet a bunch of guys on the floor and start making complete fools of yourselves.

We’ll live to fight another day.

Cheers to more life and good health!!

Random thought on a Sunday morning

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It’s mothers day the 12th of may 2019, a Sunday morning the air is still and promising. I’m feeling kind of sleepy, not going to lie but also feeling inspired hence this post . I may not finish it nor publish it but if you are reading this then something special might have happened.

I wouldn’t consider myself old or seasoned or any other term you would like to associate with someone whose been through it and seen a lot of stuff while at it. I occasionally feel embers of wisdom flowing they are usually followed by gusts of what i would consider a deep hollowness that may be my subconscious telling my brain it may be punching way above it’s weight class. Don’t you just love it when you talk about your body parts in the third person and not feel the least bit weird about it, i know i don’t.

Soul searching has been the name of the game I’ve been playing for the last year or so trying to find myself, my purpose and my so called gifts ( i hope they come in wrapping paper, i do like mystery in my life). It’s mostly been hitting a brick wall after another and don’t get me started on relationships, lorde know if i have to get in one to survive i’d probably be a mummy by now, haunting you in your sleep with meat and tossing you off of cliffs you had no idea you’d climbed.

This is going to be short by the looks of things i can feel my creative juices dwindling after every key stroke. But case and point, i am mildly ambitious ( this is me being modest considering i want to have FUCK you money, the kind of bank that says it without uttering a word), with a ambition comes great burden of solitude and loneliness it is the price of success that i most willingly accept without waiver. But with time comes consideration and consideration comes with a whole bunch of other dynamics you had not even though of.

Any motivational speaker or self proclaimed Woke person ( basically people who see the bigger picture or read between the lines ) will tell you your WHY? will be the spec of hope that will keep you fighting the good fight when everything is going to hell, it will keep you honest when everyone around your seems to be cheating at getting ahead while at it. This is me trying to look for my WHY? and completely failing at it if i may add. This got me thinking have you ever heard stories of top companies that are looking into hiring top management that having a wife and kids shoots you into the right direction, well it’s true and this is why.

A father of two kids or a wife with the same in a run of the mill happy family is very likely to go to the pits of hell to ensure that the future of her family is protected and secure, than a young 20 something year old hot shot with ideas that would make Davinci run for his money who has no idea why he does what he does and just does it until it is no more interest to them.

What is your why  ? Why do you wake up every morning, Why ? are you always late, Why are you never happy, Why? do you think you deserve everything you think you deserve.

This wasn’t how i picture this post ending by oh well

CHEERS and God speed!!!!!

 

Friday night blues

Do you feel used that every time i have something on my mind is you that i turn to, i offer you nothing in return but my burden and not always griff. Does it make you smile and wonder if we would have made a grate fit every time i show up on your inbox with an ” you can’t believe what i saw today” and you end up hearing about a long tale of a matutu drive doing what he does best, does it pain you that i never remember your birthday day or even wish you a good night after i have taken up your entire evening with un ending scripts with tales only a mad man would fathom.

Please forgive me for i have never taken your feelings into consideration, forgive me for being selfish and self centered. But can you really say that you regret ever meeting me and having a chat with me, don’t i always make you smile, don’t i always make your cheeks sore from all the giggling  Doesn’t your heart feel at ease when you come to an inbox with someone who is actually interesting and who you can actually have a decent conversation with,

But it’s ok i might kinda love you but I’m afraid to show it, i don’t fear the rejection, i just don’t want to, I’m not in the right place to think about this,

This thread has brought me peace, ideas were ravaging through my mind like strong tides, i couldn’t bear to hold it in any more, I’m not sure if I’m going to read through it before i post it but oooh well,
Sorry for wasting your precious time

Cheers!!!

Some things up!!! 


This is a really weird day, i have tears in my eyes a hollow space where my heart used to be its a new year the new me facade is almost going out through the window. Best part, i don’t even know why this is happening for a guy in his 20’s these kinds of things shouldn’t be happening, i know i sound like i’m having a period ( basing my conclusion on what I’ve read on blogs newspapers, print outs …lol ). The emotions coursing through my mind the blood pumping through my brain rich with hormones and hormone placing me in a bottomless pit of self doubt and uncertainties.
Forgive me , i wasn’t planning on writing anything today , but this is the only way. A grown ass man can keep his dignity and not look like a complete sissy in front of his peers. Let me put on the mask of a self confident individual with the heart of rock that seems not to ooze any emotion let me be what society requires of me and be a man.

#realities_little_soldier